Sunday, December 03, 2006

misery doesn't become me

Lately I doubt myself like it's a full-time job. I can't seem to make sense of things: all options seem equally possible and impossible, equally hopeful and awful. I agree with everyone, and no one. I doubt my intuition, my sense of right and wrong. I scour my inner cupboards for wisdom; I meditate; I yell at God. I endlessly rearrange the data, hoping for a paradigm shift or perhaps a revelation.

I am, all in all, rather miserable.

Nonetheless, some things need not be doubted. For example, I bought a dark blue corduroy topcoat with grey flowers and big buttons, which, when worn with my new grey leggings, makes me resemble George Washington sans powered wig. Lucas fed me pecan pie and ice cream all weekend. And when all his efforts to lure the octopus out into its tank at the Boston Aquarium produced little more than a momentary writhing of tentacles, we meted out revenge with a plate of calamari and scotch at a harbor restaurant. And today, as Rachel and I left the Tuckahoe Starbucks, the baristas called after us and offered us free bagels and muffins--the kind with a dollop of sweet cream cheese in the middle. Not to mention I've found a new counselor I really like--her business card is printed in dark green ink by letterpress on homemade paper.


Nostalgia said...

Where did you get this topcoat?
This coat is SO ME!!!
I can't wait to come back and steal it from you! Plus, when I am in your apartment continuously making mess - all your problems are in a full eclipse!

Lucy said...

At that little store in Bronxville, Accessorie I think it's called. I could see it on you though, it has a wide collar and gathered pockets. Although I bet you are mostly fond of the purpleish buttons. You can borrow it if I can borrow the Oilily jacket. :)