Thursday, April 12, 2007

things to do on a rainy day

1. Write Emails in mock Victorian caps, e.g... "I am at my Wits End with the lovely Spring Weather. If the Daffodils have not yet been Flooded from their beds and Floated Down the Gutter, I'm sure they will soon" and "My laptop goes All Black from time to time, and Nothing can be done to Revive It; I suspect I will have to Break Down and purchase a Stationary Unit."

2. Complain bitterly about God's lack of foresight as regards me personally.

3. Earl Gray tea with honey and half & half, Italian truffle cheese, and black seedless grapes from Chile. Follow up in a few hours with Grey Goose vodka, English white Stilton with blueberries, and dark chocolate covered crystallized ginger.

4. Photoshop + Flickr

5. Call Jenny. A brief conversation ensues, followed by a sudden cry, a crash, and dead line. Further calls get only the sound of a fax connection.

6. Plan the opening scene for an autobiographical film. Tight shot of rain streaming down front window of car, red traffic light out-of-focus in background. Windshield wiper comes in and out of view. Slow pan to me, wearing flowered blue corduroy jacket and violet knit half-mitts, sitting pensively at steering wheel. I suddenly turn and stick my tongue out at person in passenger seat.

7. Read The Onion online.

8. Read next chapter of Lincoln's Melancholy (or current biography of excessively-serious, depressed yet heroic character, usually exhibiting mystical leanings of some sort). This doesn't help.

9. Take 258 photos of rain on my windows.

10. Call Rachel and see if I can come over and watch reruns of The Simpsons.

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