Monday, May 22, 2006

a few more thoughts on skin

Three pink peonies lean out of a mason jar, their dark green leaves hanging like corn husks from bumpy stalks. A white cabbage moth flits past the window.

It's lunchtime and I'm home. I'm not even slightly hungry, but I consider what I have to eat.

I didn't do such a good job of staying inside my skin this weekend, and after seeing the Bodies Exhibit at the South Seaport ( I can't say I really want to stay inside my skin. Last night at Alexander Technique my instructor suggested we try to feel things inside ourselves--our lungs or stomach--and I winced. Uck. All those unfamiliar shapes touching each other in there, wiggling, keeping me alive. I feel the same way about them as I do parts of my car's engine--any moment now the alternator or my spleen will rebel. Corrode, stop working, explode. The same way my emotions do, or life does.

I look to other people for help, advise, encouragement. But ultimately I'm back here, inside my skin, trying to be my own help. It's incredibly frustrating.

1 comment:

Charlie Brown said...

Staying "inside," yes, can feel so unusual to me. My antennae continues to monitor messages that I think others are thinking about me, "outside."
I'm still back at...thank the thunder for agreeing...having copied the photo and looking at it regularly. I still can't understand why I see myself as the bird in the lower left corner. Oh well.
Charlie Brown