Tuesday, August 01, 2006
stop thinking about the apocalypse
I made a to-do list yesterday morning: make doctor appointment, call Michelle, get car into the mechanic, mock-up cover for Ann. Nearing the end of my tasks I stopped, thought a second, and wrote: stop thinking about the apocalypse. This task also received a little box to check-mark when complete.
Why, particularly when things in my life are changing for the better, does death come careening around every corner of my mind?
The weather is unbearably hot. I can't sleep at home because my little air conditioner just manages to cool the air three feet around it. I imagine myself fleeing to the mountains, to Canada, anyplace free of humidity. I daydream about ice and snow, and then remember I don't even like winter. I think, It's only going to get worse. I don't consider the circumstances romantically, the solidarity of the human race joining together to fight global warming. I prefer to panic.
And so I stepped on a nail sticking up out of the plywood in my old office. Not on purpose, of course. I'd been mindful of those nails sticking up after the carpet was pulled out, God only knows when I last had a tetanus shot. But then I left my shoes off when I went up to turn on the air conditioning and of course I stepped on one. It bled only a little, but I know myself: I'd be exhibiting all the signs of lockjaw by evening if I didn't get a shot. It isn't such a bother to go get one either, except that it was 99°F outside and my car is not working (and if it did it wouldn't have air conditioning), and my doctor was out of tetanus. The office suggested I go to the emergency room. No way.
It's all messed-up I think. I didn't even want to turn the air conditioning on because I'm afraid it's causing global warming. But it's so hot outside because of global warming that I have to. And then when I go to turn it on I get a nail in the foot.
But it's not just global warming and lockjaw: it's death and heck, it's everywhere. In Israel, Lebanon, Somalia, my throat (I'm getting a sore throat--ok?). Clearly I've got things a bit out of perspective. Additionally, I don't have an uplifting ending for this entry. You'll have to wait until tomorrow for that, I have to think on it. (grin)